Taboo Carnival. Our topic this Fall is I LOVE YOU BUT I DON’T ALWAYS LIKE YOU! This post was written for inclusion in the quarterly Taboo Carnival hosted by Momma Jorje and Hybrid Rasta Mama. This month our participants reflect on the concept of loving versus liking our children and their behaviors. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
I have a 3-year-old girl who seems "very 3" and an active 10-month-old son that idolizes her. She loves to make him giggle, but she hates it when he grabs her hair. This doesn't seem to stop her from sitting directly in front of him or even dangling her hair at him, taunting him. Then, of course, she screams when he grabs it.
Just this morning, she was emptying his toy basket, playing "with" him when he apparently tried to grab his own toy / basket, so she shoved his head. I flipped out! These kinds of things are happening more and more often. Children around babies have always made me nervous, now I'm living with it Every. Day.
I feel like part of my issue is the protective aspect of being a baby's mother. I have to protect him, even from her. I wonder if some of it is just our history of nursing aversion. The gist, though, is it seems like we're going through a stage of my not liking her a LOT of the time!
I think this is normal and see nothing wrong with it. I realize its the things she does that I dislike so passionately, not her specifically. It is very difficult, though, to separate the act from the person. The trick is making sure our children always feel loved.
I know my kids don't always like me, either! Doesn't this really apply to everyone we love?
- Love vs Like: How to Deal With Not Liking Your Kid — Amy at Presence Parenting explores an approach to loving what we dislike the most about our kids.
- Maternal ambivalence … and why it's ok — Lauren at Hobo Mama discusses how we can't live up to the "maternal ideal" as much as we — and our babies — might want us to.
- Miracles into Monsters and Back Again — Amy W at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work processes the pain and hidden beauty of a gentle mother's greatest weakness - when little miracles act like little monsters!
- When Mothers Love But Don’t Like Their Children — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama muses on the deeper meaning behind loving but not liking one's child. She argues that a mother never stops loving or liking her child. In fact, the dislike is rooted in the behavior and not the person.
- Learning to Like and Love — JeninCanad at Fat and Not Afraid divulges the long journey it's been to learn to love, then like, her son.
- How Do You Like Yourself? — Destany at They Are All of Me writes about teaching her children likability.
- You Can Love Someone and Not Like What They Do — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children reminds herself, just as she reminds her children, that unconditional love is not dependent on liking what a person does.
- I hated my three year old — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about how much trouble she had dealing with her 3 year old.
- I love her, but... GRR — Jorje of Momma Jorje vents a bit about annoying behavior, but loves her children... even when they drive her nuts!