Feeling Needed

Welcome to the May 2014 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Ages and Stages

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have talked about their children’s most rewarding and most challenging developmental periods. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

---

Years ago I came to terms with a label: Attention Whore. You know what? It totally fits me. I love to have brightly colored hair, wear crazy hairstyles (or shaved head), even to dress different from the trends! My favorite kid stage? Baby! As a baby, my children need me more than at any other time of their lives. And their needs are simple. I don't have to help them work through the emotional baggage of school bullies. I don't have to help them through helping a friend that self harms. A baby needs... to eliminate waste, refill the tank, rest and attention. Easy.

Day 1 with Dreadlocks

That said, I also love the study of Early Childhood Development. I find it fascinating. I love watching the world trough the eyes of a young child, who couldn't and wouldn't hide the wonder they feel. There are so many milestones in the first couple of years! My youngest (and last) is now nearly 2½ years old. I am so screwed. But I am working to find the joy in the everyday parenting of 15, 4 and 2 year old children. There is still some wonder left, even in the teenager.

---

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• When Three-Year-Olds Stand Up For Themselves — Parenting Expert Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. at her blog, Parental Intelligence, enjoys the stage when three-year-olds dramatically wow their parents with their strong sense of self.
• This too shall pass — In the beginning, everything seems so overwhelming. Amanda at My Life in a Nutshell looks at the stages of the first 1.5 years of her daughter's life and explains how nothing is ever static and everything changes - the good and the bad.
• Age 5 – Is It Really A Golden Period? — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama looks at the developmental norms for the five-year-old set and muses over if this age really is the 'golden period.'
• How much do you explain to your preschooler when crime touches close to home? — When tragedy strikes someone your preschooler knows, Nathalie at Kampuchea Crossings wonders how parents can best help young children cope.
• Thoughts on Toddlerwearing — That Mama Gretchen's babywearing days are over, we're living it up in the toddlerwearing days now!
• Parenting Challenges—Almost a man — Survivor at Surviving Mexico talks about leaving childhood behind as her son turns 12.
• How Child Development Works — Competence Builds Competences — Debbie at Equipped Family shares how each stage of childhood builds on the next. Focus on doing the current stage reasonably well and success will breed success!

• Making Space — Kellie at Our Mindful Life is adjusting her thinking and making room for her babies to stay near her.
• The Best Parenting Resources for Parents of Toddlers — Toddlers can be so challenging. Not only are they learning how to exert their independence, but they simply do not have the developmental ability to be calm and logical when they are frustrated. It's the nature of the beast. I mean … the toddler. Here are Dionna at Code Name: Mama's favorite books and articles about parenting a toddler.
• The Fab Five Stages so Far — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen couldn't choose just one stage for this carnival and is sharing her top five favorite stages in the young lives of her son and daughter at Natural Parents Network.
• The best parts of ages 0-6 — Lauren at Hobo Mama gives a breakdown of what to expect and what to cherish in each year.
• Lessons from Parenting a Three-Year-Old — Ana and Niko at Panda & Ananaso are quickly approaching the end of an era — toddlerhood. She shares some of her thoughts on the last two years and some tips on parenting through a time rife with change.
• Feeling Needed — Jorje of Momma Jorje ponders which developmental stage is her favorite and why. She bares it for us, seemingly without fear of judgment. You might be surprised by her answer!

Mamatography 2013 - Week 49

Day 335 - December 1

Holiday Meal, Take II - I had green bean casserole and ham left, so we did it again!
That evening we took the kids to see one of the larger light displays in town.

First Dreadiversary!

June 21^st is a big day! It is the first [official] day of Summer! This year it was the 2nd anniversary of my mother's death. And... it was the 1st anniversary of dreading my hair. Its been an interesting year.

My Very First Dreadlock

Honestly, my focus on my dreadlocks has been a nice distraction from sadness over my mom. And I've learned so much over the last year! My dreadlocks were originally backcombed. We used wax at the time. Since then I stopped using wax at the request of a "loctician." I've had my dreads professionally maintained once. I've gotten a tool to do some upkeep myself. Mostly, I've learned that dreadlocks are more work than I thought they would be. I've also learned that people LIKE dreadlocks! I get compliments, comments and questions all the time! I still love my 64 60 dreads!

So I was faced with a question... how did I want to commemorate my "dreadiversary?" I asked some other dready mommas online for ideas and couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it myself: a bead!

On my Dreadiversary, I actually got to go to the Bead Merchant all by myself! (I almost never leave home without Spencer.) I browsed around and told the owner what I was seeking. She looked around and helped me find a dish of handmade zodiac beads... they didn't have every zodiac left, but they had mine: Pisces. It felt like fate!

Handmade Bead $9 or so

I did look some more, in case anything else spoke to me even more than this bead. Then I found a bead that resembled one I'd been wanting! Specifically, it is metal with spaces that are bare so you can see through the bead to the hair. I love these on dreads!

I don't think this one was handmade, it was only about 90¢.
I clearly need to clean up this lock, though!

The first bead is my official commemorative bead. The second was just bonus. I also wear 7 other beads in my locks. Have you done things to commemorate unusual anniversaries? You can find all of my dreadlock posts here or see posts about my mom by searching my blog for Gran.

More on the Locks...

I went to DreadHeadHQ and ordered their Lock Sculpta (like was used on my dreads in my last post) and Loose Hair Tool. I wish I had watched each of the videos first, I might have realized that the Loose Hair Tool is too big for my locks. I may wind up ordering the Small Loose Hair Tool, but for now the Lock Sculpta is kicking butt.

I can't explain the "How To" any better than their own videos, so...


Another about how to use the Lock Sculpta to pull loose hairs back into the dreadlock:


But how well is it working for me? Well I started out thinking I might get 1 lock done per day. Then I got about 5 done while we drove around on Mother's Day! The tool will definitely make your thumb sore and I saw how it tore right through the skin on my Loctician's thumb. Still, here is a before / after shot of my own:

← Before ... ... After →

Yes, my roots still need work. And yes, that is a nasty bruise on my forehead. It is unrelated, I assure you.

I carry the Lock Sculpta with me in my bag. I work on my locks when I'm watching videos or movies at home. I work on them in line at the grocery store and even at traffic lights! It actually got kind of addictive! I should take some pics to show the tips, too. The Loose Hair Tool is supposed to be good for blunting tips, but since it was too big I've been using the Lock Sculpta for that job, too. It is totally working, but I bet it would be easier with the Small Loose Hair Tool. I've also discovered another dreadlock site and they make an Extended Microneedle. Its cheaper and looks like it would work, too!

Do you have a favorite hair tool? Did you have any idea dreadlocks could be so much work? Some choose to take a neglect route to dread their hair. That route is probably less work, but definitely requires more patience!

Overdue Dreadlock Update!

Oh my, I am seriously overdue for this one! My last update was in September! And I was in sad shape then. By February, my husband had decided to pay for a Professional "Rockstar Loc Lovin Maintenance session" with Rockstar Dreads for me as a birthday gift. We actually made payments in advance to make sure it would be completely paid before the appointment. My "Loctician" even threw in a couple extra hours!

Meanwhile, I stopped using wax at her request.¹ I also kept ripping dreads apart from each other. Rae advised the ripping was good. Then I discovered... 2-3 dreadlocks on the right side of my head that had merged so far together I could not separate them! Aww crap. Rae came to our home shortly before my 40th birthday in February. This is how she found my hair:

She split my hair into sections and got started. The main tool she used was a DreadHead HQ Lock Sculpta. She had one other tool she used plus a pair of scissors. Yes, scissors.

I had no idea just how bad my hair was! Despite ripping the dreadlocks apart, the roots were badly matted!

← Before ... ... After →

She had to cut some of the locks to separate them. She said if she'd created them, she wouldn't have done them so thin. I like them, though, and specifically wanted thinner dreadlocks. Here is a very specific example of the difference she was making.

Rae spent close to 7 hours here! We discussed blunted tips. She argued that she'd only blunted tips on a few women and they wanted them undone a week later. She said whispy tips look more feminine.² It was a bit of a moot point since we didn't have enough time for that anyway. In fact, she started at the back and wasn't able to completely finish the front. She was supposed to stop by one day after work in the following week or two, but never seemed to be available. That bit was rather disappointing. I think she is quitting her day job, though, to do dreadlocks full time!

← Before ... ... After →

Rae had several pointers for me, too! She suggested washing in hot and rinsing in cold. This is contrary to everything I've read, but I can attest to it: it makes dreadlocks lock up faster! She explained how to tie my hair up, which previously I could not seem to figure out. (You have to loop the hair at least twice, not just a basic knot.) She said not to palm roll, going so far as to say that doing so keeps the roots from dreading up on their own. Wait... what? You want me to do less work? Awesome!

As for keeping my dreadlocks separate, she showed me how to run my fingers through my hair (something you wouldn't expect to do in dreadlocks). If the fingers catch in some hair, rip it out (of the dread it is in). This seems easy enough to do daily. I can do it anywhere and its less work than the other upkeep I had been trying to do.

A week later, showing off my freshly maintained and colored
dreadlocks in a crazy up-do at my 40th Birthday Party

I do love how the whispy bits at the bottoms of my dreadlocks look when I'm wearing a crazy up-do. The rest of the time, though, I feel like my hair just looks clumpy (like when hair gets greasy) because the whispy bits are deceiving. I still want blunted tips.

I originally had 64 dreadlocks. I now have 60. I still love my dreadlocks! A relative has recently been griping about how awful they look every time I see her. She is quite rude about it, actually. I've also purchased my own Lock Sculpta, but that is a topic for another post... which hopefully won't take 8 months to write!

---

1 Some people LOVE waxing dreadlocks, others HATE it. There seems to be no middle ground, though I have no problem with either method.^↩

2 Um... because I'm sooo feminine? I haven't even worn makeup in years!^↩

Naughty Knotty Mommy

Perhaps I should preface by sharing with you that I've been having some health problems of late. I have been waiting over a month to get in to see the doctor. Meanwhile, I'm dealing with a lot of random fatigue. After eating and while driving, just random. It is really hard to stay awake sometimes. I'm fighting sleep right now, actually.

2 month old dreads... of shame

Maintance & Tips, to blunt or not to blunt?

I fell behind on my maintenance at one point, but I've taken it back up. I stay really busy, so I often wind up doing some palm rolling before bed. I procrastinated even working on the tips. Some people prefer not to blunt their tips at all. I have given it some thought, though, and think I do want to blunt them. Water doesn't drain out as well if our tips are blunted, but I prefer the classic look of the dreadlock going all the way down the hair.

Knotty Boy has a tutorial especially all about blunting tips. Tabatha came up with a slight variation on the method shown here and then I changed that up a little bit, too. I'd like to film my own tutorial and then make sure it works before sharing it. We'll see. I'm bad about procrastinating this sort of project and it has been majorly hot outside (where I would likely "film"). Knotty Boy invites members to upload tutorials. Tutorials that get chosen for use earn a 10% discount on their next purchase!

Working on my hair after a shower. When I'm trying to get all of the locks, I tend to start in the front and work my way back.

As for that neglected maintenance, there is also only so much I can do alone. No one in my household is interested in helping me. My friend, Tabatha, has agreed to help me touch up my hair. Some locks need more back combing and I could use some solid palm rolling in the back. It is really hard to palm roll the back of your own head!

You're supposed to palm roll your hair after washing your dreadlocks. In this heat, my hair dries really fast. I have to come straight home (from the shower facilities) and get right on it!

Palm rolling your damp dreadlocks help them keep a cylindrical shape, as well as encouraging loose hairs to reintegrate back into the lock. It will also help separate and keep new locks from grabbing onto and growing into each other.

I have really enjoyed all the supportive feedback I've been getting about my dreadlocks, keep it comin'! I am especially amused when I get a comment on an unrelated post and you add "By the way, I love your dreadlocks!" I hope if you're considering dreadlocks for yourself, I hope you will consider Knotty Boy products. Their tutorials have been really great, too!

Dreadlock Sleep Solution +

Last week I promised to share my comfortable sleep solution. Here it is:

Please forgive that these were taken first thing in the morning.

This is a really easy solution and it is an upcycle project! I took an old t-shirt and cut off the sleeves just outside the seam. I put one sleeve on wrong side out so that the seam that goes down you arm doesn't press into my neck. The arm pit part is the shortest, so you put that in the back. Slide it over your head and pull your hair through. Then slide it over your face until you get it where you want it.

You can even see lines from the sheet imprints.

You could decorate this with fabric paint or dye. You could any sort of t-shirt you liked and add appliques or iron-on designs. This could be used as a fashion accessory, not just a dread sleep cover. I've worn mine out of the house, too. The only problem mine has is that my dye has rubbed off on it.

I actually have two of these (go figure), but the other one I snipped more. If your sleeve is too tight for your head you might need to try a larger size shirt. You can also just snip the band a little in the back to loosen it up. I tried that, but preferred the solid sleeve.

I'm still loving the Knotty Boy Dreadlock Wax Roll-up Stick. It is really easy to just rub it down my dreads. I'm sure I'll try the old style wax eventually... but probably not until this stick runs out. It is so easy to use!

Here's my latest favorite do!

This is a simple pony tail that I've pulled most of the way through a second time.
I like this style without dreadlocks, too.

I haven't had any more trouble with itchy scalp, despite the Summer heat, since using the vinegar spray one time. I've also gotten more thorough with the Knotty Boy Dreadlock Shampoo Bar and I make sure to let it sit for a few minutes before rinsing.

Dread Maintenance

One of my new favorite dos:

Its dreadlock ponytails! I love the look!
This was one of my first attempts.

My 64 Babies

Two days after completing my dreads, I felt like I had found my groove! Baby asleep? Movie on the TV? Time to palm roll! And work on tips, too!

Sasha likes to palm roll!

Dread Party - Take II

I fretted all weekend that I'd be stuck with half a head of dreads for... who knows how long! I have a friend that is currently in that predicament. She has had half a head of dreadlocks for 2 months! (She isn't local, or I'd help her myself.)

We made plans for me to go to Tabatha's house on Tuesday, whew! I arrived right about 11 o'clock. We didn't have an end time set, but it was only going to be Tabatha this time.

I double-washed my hair the day before, just like last time. I managed to get the remaining hair into 8 braids. Tabatha loved it! She didn't even want me to try brushing out the braids, just leave them once I took them down.

Time for Dreading

Thursday finally came and I met one of my volunteer friends (Tabatha of Fat Bottom Babies) at our laundry / shower facilities in our RV Park for my dread party! First things first, I brushed out my braids.

I don't think I've ever had so much body in my hair!

Ronni had come along to help watch Tabatha's son. I held Spencer in my lap and wore him, occasionally setting him in his wagon for a few minutes.

Hippies wear Dreads

Welcome to my 400th post! In honor of this milestone, I'm embarking on a new project. Read on:

The tag line for my FB Page is "a slightly crunchy momma sliding down the slippery slope to full-on hippydom." I've been a bit of a hippie for a while and it just seems to get... worse? Ha! And you know what, I have wanted to try out dreadlocks for a long time. I'd been told that "white chicks can't pull off dreads." Pfft. Actually, I worried that it was true. I asked several friends for their opinions on this, including a black friend. Even she was supportive! (I'd read on some forums that it is thought that white people shouldn't have dreads.)

I'd been thinking about them again... began researching them. I brought the idea to my husband again and he was supportive. I even learned that you don't have to shave your head to come back from dreads.

So I knew I wanted to do this dread thing. And I knew I wanted to blog about it. I found and contacted a company that makes all natural dread products. Knotty Boy was willing to sponsor a review / blog project for me. I was giddy! I'd already found a couple of friends willing to participate in a "dread party."

I received a Deluxe Dreadlock Starter Kit plus a few extras.

There are some dreadlock products available on the market that contain some nasty ingredients. If you're reading this blog, you probably prefer to go natural when possible. Not only are Knotty Boy products all natural, all but one of their products are even vegan! (Their dread wax is made with beeswax, which they source from small local beekeepers who treat their bees very nicely indeed.)

How in the heck to get started?! Well, Knotty Boy also offers tutorials that aren't bogged down with too much information (like I found elsewhere). Your friends can watch 20 minutes worth of videos and be ready to dread your hair! But I am getting ahead of myself...

I started by cutting shampoo out of my routine. I started washing with Bee-Washed Pre-Dreading & De-Waxing Soap. I can not seem to figure out a way to describe the scent of this stuff. It almost has no scent. It smells very natural, clean and a tiny bit sweet. I love it! You can absolutely tell that it leaves no residue behind!

Ingredients: Saponified Organic Oils of Palm, Coconut, Castor Bean and Hemp, Red Kaolinite Clay, Organic Essential Oils of Cedar Wood, Fir Needle, Pine and Spruce

I used it for a couple weeks before my dread party, but since I dyed my hair a few days prior, I went ahead and did the recommended double-wash with this soap before the party. I could definitely feel the difference. I think my hair color may have had conditioners in it.

I did that double-wash the day before my dread party. I towel-dried my hair and then I braided it. I think I could have done better with more, smaller braids, but I am terribly inexperienced with braiding my own hair. Plus I already had to steal hair bands from Sasha to hold some of the braids!

I'll leave you with a night-before picture.

I was squinting my eyes like crazy due to the bright sun of the day.

I threw on an upcycled t-shirt head band (just a sleeve) for sleeping and called it a night. Stay tuned for updates and photos!