Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Out of Mind, Out of Fear


Welcome to the February 2014 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Fears

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared stories and wisdom about parenting fears.



I see stories often enough, they seem like big news. Young man with Down syndrome accepted to college. Young man with Down syndrome owns and drives his own pickup truck. (See his "Great Story" below.) Young couple with Down syndrome gets married. (A documentary was made about them!) Another couple with Down syndrome, this time in Britain, gets married. But notice I said they all seem like big news. Why?


Because they're not common stories. Yes, the treatment (not just medical) of people with Down syndrome has come a loooong way in the last 50 years. People with Down syndrome are living longer than ever before! They're doing more and are growing into contributing members of society. But these kinds of news stories are still just that, news.

So what does the future hold for Spencer? I was already 38 years old when he was born. How long will I live? His father is younger, but not exactly the picture of health. Will Spencer be independent enough not to need someone else to look after him? Will his sisters feel obligated to take care of him or might they resent him for any special needs he has in his adult life?


He's still my baby.

So how do I deal with this fear? I don't. Ha! Mostly I just don't think about these things. Spencer is two! He is living a pretty typical childhood, with some extra therapeutic help and some delays. There is no telling what the future may hold for him. I'm certainly not going to start fretting about limitations now.

What are your parenting fears?



Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
  • When Parents' Fears Escalate — If we didn't self-doubt, we probably wouldn't care enough about our children to struggle with understanding them. But how do we overcome self-doubt? Read advice from Laurie Hollman, Ph.D., guest posting today at Natural Parents Network.
  • What ifs of addiction — After seeing how addictions of adult children is badly hurting a family close to her heart, Hannah at HannahandHorn shares her fears for her own child.
  • Sharing My Joy — Kellie at Our Mindful Life shares her fear that others think she is judgmental because she makes alternative choices for her own family.
  • Building My Tribe Fearlessly — A meteorite hit Jaye Anne at Tribal Mama's family when she was seven years old. Read the story, how she feels about that now, and how she is building her tribe fearlessly.
  • Fear: Realized — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen shares how her fear of car accidents was realized and how she hopes to be able to use her efforts to overcome the remaining fears to help her children overcome their own.
  • I'm a Negligent Helicopter Parent — For Issa Waters at LoveLiveGrow, the line between helicopter parenting and negligent parenting is not so cut and dried.
  • My Greatest Fear For My Child — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama admits that she has struggled with not allowing her fears to control her and how the reality of this was blown wide open when she became a mother.
  • Proactive Steps to Calm Parenting Fears — Every parent has certain fears related to dangerous situations, That Mama Gretchen shares ways she is preparing herself and her children for emergencies.
  • Homeschooling Fears – Will My Children Regret Being Homeschooled? — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares an interview with her now-adult children that answers a question she had throughout their homeschooling.
  • An Uneasy Truce — Homeschooler and recent convert to unschooling, Tam at tinsenpup shares just a few of the things she tries to keep in mind when fear and insecurity begin to take hold.
  • Fearing the worst, expecting the best — Tarana at Sand In My Toes writes about fears that come with parenting, and why we must overcome them.
  • Can I be the parent I want to be? — Amanda at Postilius confronts her struggle to peacefully parent a preschooler
  • Out of Mind, Out of Fear — How does Jorje of Momma Jorje deal with her pretty steep, long-term fears regarding her son's future?
  • I Don't Homeschool to Manage My Kids' Transcripts — One of Dionna at Code Name: Mama's fears of parenting is that she will get so caught up in the monotony, the details of homeschooling, the minutiae of everyday life, the routine of taking care of a household - that she will forget to actually be present in the moment with her children.
  • Beware! Single Mom Camping — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her first adventures as a single mom. She laughed, she cried, she faced her fears.
  • Parenting Fears And Reality Checks — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares her three biggest fears as a parent - that most parents share - looks at the reality behind these fears, and offers a few suggestions for enjoying parenting.
  • Parenting fear : to kill a pink rabbit...Mother Goutte tells us the story of a pink rabbit that disappeared, came back, and became the symbol of her worst parenting fear...
  • Roamingsustainablemum considers whether allowing your children freedom to explore the world safely is harder now than in the past.
  • Meeting my parenting fears head-on — Lauren at Hobo Mama had many fears before she became a parent. Learn how they all came true — and weren't anywhere near as scary as she'd thought.
  • Don't fear the tears — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger worried that letting her children cry when going to sleep was tantamount to the dreaded parenting moniker, CIO. She discusses what actually happened after those teary nights, and how she hopes these lessons can carry forward to future parenting opportunities.
  • Will I Still be a Good Mom? — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot worries about her mothering skills now that breastfeeding is no longer the top priority.
  • Pregnancy Fears: It Happened to My Sisters, It Will Happen to Me... — Kristen at Country Fit Family discusses the difficulties with pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding that the women in her family have had and how she overcame them.
  • Fears — Meegs at A New Day talks about how her fears before parenting led to a better understanding of herself and her desires for her daughter.

5 comments:

  1. I think you have a healthy attitude. Its so easy sometimes to get bogged down in the what ifs and could bes of the future. But we just don't know!! We can hardly predict what will happen tomorrow, there is no way to know where we will be 10 years down the line. Our babies change so much everyday, its good to just live it.

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  2. That is really interesting. It does seem like those sorts of things will work themselves out as he grows when you need to figure out new resources to meet current needs. For now, enjoying him seems like the best thing to do!

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  3. He's such a beautiful baby! Mine is two as well, and I think he'll be my baby forever :) Your fears are justified, but it's best to just savour each moment and do the best you can for him.

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  4. I imagine that as Spencer gets older, you'll figure out how to find a way to prepare for the unknown future while still enjoying the present. There is plenty of time to enjoy these years, and figure out certain details later. And really, that's not so different from parents of kids who don't have special needs. No big news :)

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  5. I need to adopt this approach more. You are far more sensible than me. I worry so much for my children's future. I'm all too aware that I can't be here to care for them and love them and protect them forever. Worrying doesn't achieve a lot though and who knows? Who knows? If nothing else, they have each other and even if the give and take between them will probably never be even, I think that's okay. I think that being the one who gives more bestows it's own benefits.

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