Taboo Carnival. Our topic this Summer is “My Parents Failed Me (A Little or a Lot)” This post was written for inclusion in the quarterly Taboo Carnival hosted by Momma Jorje and Hybrid Rasta Mama. This month our participants reflect on the parenting failures of their own parents or in themselves. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
The first thing that pops into my head when I think of how my parents parented me (both of them, even though they were divorced) was how they handled misbehavior. I can remember times when I was falsely accused of things and it pissed me off beyond belief that my parents didn't believe me. I could understand if there was evidence, but if not... what ever happened to innocent until proven guilty?
We clearly did not have trusting relationships. Because of this... and come to think of it, I think I've written about this before, I just can not outright accuse my children without proof. I think this has possibly had a negative impact on my parenting. My kids might be getting away with more because if I can't prove it, I can only ask them if they're guilty.
For my husband's part, he was beaten as a child... often. It was "discipline," but many of his stories just do not sound very supportive to me at all. My heart hurts for him when I hear some of his stories. So gentle parenting has been a stretch for him. Its honestly been new ground for both of us. We believe in the approach, but when its not working, its harder for us to figure out what on earth to do about it.
Neither of us feels close to our parents. My mother called her mother every day. I went through phases like that, but mostly I feel like dealing with my parents is an inconvenience. How sad is that? I want better for my children. I want them to feel that I trust them. I want them to trust me. I want them to know that I support them in everything that they do. And I want them to grow up to become contributing members of society that want to keep in touch with me.
Do you have a close relationship with your parents? Why (or why not) do you think that is?
Visit Momma Jorje and Hybrid Rasta Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Taboo Carnival! Enjoy the posts from this month’s Carnival participants!
- I Am Not My Parents — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares a guest post from a mama whose tumultuous childhood witnessing the daily volitility of her parents' dysfunction empowers her to provide her children with the peaceful, respectful, non-voilent childhood she longed for..
- Confessions of a "Latch Key Kid"... — Lois at The Myth of the Perfect Baby talks about being left alone after school as a young child and her thoughts on extended breastfeeding at the dinner table.
- Am I a Liar? — Jorje of Momma Jorje *really* didn't appreciate being considered a liar as a child. Click to read how this has affected her relationships.
- Sometimes Families Break Down — Joella at Fine and Fair shares a guest post about how a mama ended up being estranged from her family and what she hopes to do differently.