Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Tough Conversations


Welcome to the March 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Tough Conversations


This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have spoken up about how they discuss complex topics with their children. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.


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I'd like to just offer some pointers from my experience on some particular tough topics.


Photo Credit: Hobo Mama

  1. Telling your preteen child that her father passed away.
    I just want you to keep something in mind: Every. little. detail of that moment will stick with them. Some things may be comforting in their memories, but others may haunt them. Consider your approach when giving devastating news of any sort. I let my daughter sleep in that day. When she woke, I sat with her and took her hands in mine. Seem touching? Months (or perhaps a year or more) later, I took her by the hands to talk about something else and it really freaked her out. It was not normal body language for me and she directly associated it with devastating news. I apologized profusely for scaring her. Think about your body language, your position, your timing, your placement... if you can.

  2. Confronting your teen about really bad behavior online (or elsewhere) after the fact.
    I ask that you try to remember the awful stuff you did as a kid. If you were an angel, find a friend that wasn't! Ask them to tell you some horror stories because I assure you, it could be much worse than whatever you're facing!

What have you learned from experience when broaching tough topics?

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Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

  • A Difficult Conversation — Kellie at Our Mindful Life is keeping her mouth shut about a difficult topic.
  • Discussing Sexuality and Objectification With Your Child — At Authentic Parenting, Laura is puzzled at how to discuss sexuality and objectification with her 4-year-old.
  • Tough Conversations — Kadiera at Our Little Acorn knows there are difficult topics to work through with her children in the future, but right now, every conversation is a challenge with a nonverbal child.
  • Real Talk — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama explains why there are no conversation topics that are off limits with her daughter, and how she ensures that tough conversations are approached in a developmentally appropriate manner.
  • From blow jobs to boob jobs and lots of sex inbetweenMrs Green talks candidly about boob jobs and blow jobs…
  • When Together Doesn't Work — Ashley at Domestic Chaos discusses the various conversations her family has had in the early stages of separation.
  • Talking To Children About Death — Luschka at Diary of a First Child is currently dealing with the terminal illness of her mother. In this post she shares how she's explained it to her toddler, and some of the things she's learned along the way.
  • Teaching 9-1-1 To Kids — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling talks about the importance of using practical, age-appropriate emergency scenarios as a springboard for 9-1-1 conversations.
  • Preschool Peer PressureLactating Girl struggles to explain to her preschooler why friends sometimes aren't so friendly.
  • Frank Talk — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis unpacks a few conversations about sexuality that she's had with her 2-year-old daughter, and her motivation for having so many frank discussions.
  • When simple becomes tough — A natural mum manages oppositional defiance in a toddler at Ursula Ciller's Blog.
  • How Babies are Born: a conversation with my daughter — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger tries to expand her daughter's horizons while treading lightly through the waters of pre-K social order.
  • Difficult Questions & Lies: 4 Reasons to Tell The Truth — Ariadne of Positive Parenting Connection shares the potential impact that telling lies instead of taking the time to answer difficult questions can have on the parent-child relationship.
  • Parenting Challenges--when someone dies — Survivor at Surviving Mexico writes about talking to her child about death and the cultural challenges involved in living in a predominantly Catholic nation.
  • Daddy Died — Breaking the news to your children that their father passed away is tough. Erica at ChildOrganics shares her story.
  • Opennesssustainablemum prepares herself for the day when she has to tell her children that a close relative has died.
  • Embracing Individuality — At Living Peacefully with Children, Mandy addressed a difficult question in public with directness and honesty.
  • Making the scary or different okay — Although she tries to listen more than she talks about tough topics, Jessica Claire of Crunchy-Chewy Mama also values discussing them with her children to soften the blow they might cause when they hit closer to home.
  • Talking to My Child About Going Gluten Free — When Dionna at Code Name: Mama concluded that her family would benefit from eliminating gluten from their diet, she came up with a plan to persuade her gluten-loving son to find peace with the change. This is how they turned the transition to a gluten-free lifestyle into an adventure rather than a hardship.
  • How Does Your Family Explain Differences and Approach Diversity? — How do you and your family approach diversity? Gretchen of That Mama Gretchen shares her thoughts at Natural Parents Network and would like to hear from readers.
  • Discussing Difficult Topics with Kids: What’s Worked for Me — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares parenting practices that enabled discussions of difficult topics with her (now-adult) children to be positive experiences.
  • Tough Conversations — Get some pointers from Jorje of Momma Jorje on important factors to keep in mind when broaching tough topics with kids.
  • Protect your kids from sneaky people — Lauren at Hobo Mama has cautioned her son against trusting people who'd want to hurt him — and hopes the lessons have sunk in.
  • Mommy, What Does the Bible Say? — Amy at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work works through how to answer a question from her 4-year-old that doesn't have a simple answer.
  • When All You Want for Them is Love: Adoption, Abandonment, and Honoring the Truth — Melissa at White Noise talks about balancing truth and love when telling her son his adoption story.

7 comments:

  1. I fully plan to keep in mind my non-angelic moments when my kids are older :) I'm also glad I have a friend with older kids so I can hear her horror stories now and get some of the shock out of the way ;)

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  2. wow, about the body language, that's really powerful

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  3. That's incredible how much that body language was fixed in her mind. You must have been surprised when she reacted so strongly the next time! I'm glad you've been such a support to her through all these hard transitions.

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  4. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences with body language and devastating news. Most of us wouldn't think about that, and it makes a lot of sense ... definitely good to know. Deb @ LivingMontessoriNow.com

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  5. Thank you for sharing about the body language, I would not have thought of that especially with all the emotion of a tough conversation.

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  6. Thank you jorje, for sharing these very personal moments. It is so true that body language/positioning has an impact and that such a devastating moment will imprint itself on our children's minds. Love to you, this was a tough one <3

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