More on the Locks...

I went to DreadHeadHQ and ordered their Lock Sculpta (like was used on my dreads in my last post) and Loose Hair Tool. I wish I had watched each of the videos first, I might have realized that the Loose Hair Tool is too big for my locks. I may wind up ordering the Small Loose Hair Tool, but for now the Lock Sculpta is kicking butt.

I can't explain the "How To" any better than their own videos, so...


Another about how to use the Lock Sculpta to pull loose hairs back into the dreadlock:


But how well is it working for me? Well I started out thinking I might get 1 lock done per day. Then I got about 5 done while we drove around on Mother's Day! The tool will definitely make your thumb sore and I saw how it tore right through the skin on my Loctician's thumb. Still, here is a before / after shot of my own:

← Before ... ... After →

Yes, my roots still need work. And yes, that is a nasty bruise on my forehead. It is unrelated, I assure you.

I carry the Lock Sculpta with me in my bag. I work on my locks when I'm watching videos or movies at home. I work on them in line at the grocery store and even at traffic lights! It actually got kind of addictive! I should take some pics to show the tips, too. The Loose Hair Tool is supposed to be good for blunting tips, but since it was too big I've been using the Lock Sculpta for that job, too. It is totally working, but I bet it would be easier with the Small Loose Hair Tool. I've also discovered another dreadlock site and they make an Extended Microneedle. Its cheaper and looks like it would work, too!

Do you have a favorite hair tool? Did you have any idea dreadlocks could be so much work? Some choose to take a neglect route to dread their hair. That route is probably less work, but definitely requires more patience!

Mamatography 2013 - Week 21

Day 139 - May 19

My first French Braid on Sasha!
She will finally be still enough for it... barely.
(I accidentally posted this last week.)

Everyone Misses Sleep

Welcome to the Taboo Carnival. Our topic this Spring is “I Miss My Life!” This post was written for inclusion in the quarterly Taboo Carnival hosted by Momma Jorje and Hybrid Rasta Mama. This month our participants reflect on life before and after motherhood and “missing” some of the aspects of life without children. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Ask 100 (or hundreds) of parents (especially moms) what they miss most about pre-baby days and the #1 answer is going to be sleep. It isn't just sleep I miss, though. I miss being able to roll around and lay on this side or that side or on my belly whenever I want. See, if I sleep with my back to my baby I don't wake as fast. Then I have to spend more time getting him settled back to sleep. And the other sleep thing that I miss a lot, that seems so ridiculous and yet I think of it often, is sleeping with the covers pulled up over my ears. I like to have the comforter pulled up almost over my head. I can't cover my ears to sleep now because I have littles I need to hear.

Another common answer has to do with the time we had with our partners pre-baby. Yep, I miss that, too. I miss being able to go get on the Harley and take my husband boyfriend for a ride whenever we wanted to go. We fondly recall those times when we happen upon an old favorite path. I miss being able to drop anything and have sex in any room at any time of day. We really have to work at finding the time and space as well as seizing opportunities when they arise.

I don't resent my children for it. It isn't like its their fault! I wouldn't change the choices I made. I love my children. I even love them when I wake with a crick in my neck or shoulder from sleeping in an awkward position. I even love them when I'm chasing them at the zoo on a beautiful day instead of feeling the wind in my hair. But that doesn't change the "missing it" feeling...

I don't usually share these feelings with friends because I'm afraid that ¹⁾ they'll misunderstand and ²⁾ they don't understand our choice (and not-so-choice) not to use sitters. I have friends that leave their kids and go out, even AP friends! We don't have that option, really, which I know is part personal choice.

What do you miss from your pre-baby life?



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Visit Momma Jorje and Hybrid Rasta Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Taboo Carnival! Enjoy the posts from this month’s Carnival participants!

• 10 Drastic Differences Between Life Before and After Becoming A Mother — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama compares her life before and after becoming a mother and muses on why it is pretty incredible despite never having a moment alone.
  
  
• Sometimes — ANonyMous @ Radical Ramblings reflects on the things she misses about being childless, despite the fact she wouldn't change her decision to become a mother for anything.
  
  
• The Baby Moon is Over — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot remembers her babymoon and misses the simplicity of being a wife before children.
  
  

• Everyone Misses Sleep — Jorje of Momma Jorje misses the same things that most moms miss, but with some little quircks...
  
  
• I miss my life, but not as much as I love this one. — Cara of CarasJeans reflects on how she copes with the difficult and selfless, yet profoundly rewarding, task of raising Irish twins in her young 20's.
  
  
• I miss the life that never was. — Amy at Anktangle doesn't pine for days and years past, but she does miss the life she thought she would have when she became a mother.
  
  

Overdue Dreadlock Update!

Oh my, I am seriously overdue for this one! My last update was in September! And I was in sad shape then. By February, my husband had decided to pay for a Professional "Rockstar Loc Lovin Maintenance session" with Rockstar Dreads for me as a birthday gift. We actually made payments in advance to make sure it would be completely paid before the appointment. My "Loctician" even threw in a couple extra hours!

Meanwhile, I stopped using wax at her request.¹ I also kept ripping dreads apart from each other. Rae advised the ripping was good. Then I discovered... 2-3 dreadlocks on the right side of my head that had merged so far together I could not separate them! Aww crap. Rae came to our home shortly before my 40th birthday in February. This is how she found my hair:

She split my hair into sections and got started. The main tool she used was a DreadHead HQ Lock Sculpta. She had one other tool she used plus a pair of scissors. Yes, scissors.

I had no idea just how bad my hair was! Despite ripping the dreadlocks apart, the roots were badly matted!

← Before ... ... After →

She had to cut some of the locks to separate them. She said if she'd created them, she wouldn't have done them so thin. I like them, though, and specifically wanted thinner dreadlocks. Here is a very specific example of the difference she was making.

Rae spent close to 7 hours here! We discussed blunted tips. She argued that she'd only blunted tips on a few women and they wanted them undone a week later. She said whispy tips look more feminine.² It was a bit of a moot point since we didn't have enough time for that anyway. In fact, she started at the back and wasn't able to completely finish the front. She was supposed to stop by one day after work in the following week or two, but never seemed to be available. That bit was rather disappointing. I think she is quitting her day job, though, to do dreadlocks full time!

← Before ... ... After →

Rae had several pointers for me, too! She suggested washing in hot and rinsing in cold. This is contrary to everything I've read, but I can attest to it: it makes dreadlocks lock up faster! She explained how to tie my hair up, which previously I could not seem to figure out. (You have to loop the hair at least twice, not just a basic knot.) She said not to palm roll, going so far as to say that doing so keeps the roots from dreading up on their own. Wait... what? You want me to do less work? Awesome!

As for keeping my dreadlocks separate, she showed me how to run my fingers through my hair (something you wouldn't expect to do in dreadlocks). If the fingers catch in some hair, rip it out (of the dread it is in). This seems easy enough to do daily. I can do it anywhere and its less work than the other upkeep I had been trying to do.

A week later, showing off my freshly maintained and colored
dreadlocks in a crazy up-do at my 40th Birthday Party

I do love how the whispy bits at the bottoms of my dreadlocks look when I'm wearing a crazy up-do. The rest of the time, though, I feel like my hair just looks clumpy (like when hair gets greasy) because the whispy bits are deceiving. I still want blunted tips.

I originally had 64 dreadlocks. I now have 60. I still love my dreadlocks! A relative has recently been griping about how awful they look every time I see her. She is quite rude about it, actually. I've also purchased my own Lock Sculpta, but that is a topic for another post... which hopefully won't take 8 months to write!

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1 Some people LOVE waxing dreadlocks, others HATE it. There seems to be no middle ground, though I have no problem with either method.^↩

2 Um... because I'm sooo feminine? I haven't even worn makeup in years!^↩

Mamatography 2013 - Week 20

Day 132 - May 12

My preferred Mother's Day tradition: Park Day with the family...
with someone else behind the camera

Transformative Parenting

Today I'm bringing you a guest post from a genius friend of mine all about a new kind of parenting course. Please welcome Paige! Scroll to the bottom for a short bio. The links below are my affiliate links, but I wouldn't share this information with you if I didn't support the program myself.

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I don’t remember the exact moment I realized that gentle parenting was for me. The idea that “children are our future” touted in public didn’t seem to be practiced in reality.

In reality, putting children on the “naughty step” and letting them cry out for comfort without any emotional response from their parent seemed to be the best advice for living with children.

I just knew that felt wrong to me. Finding a community of other parents that believed the radical idea that children are people was so comforting. Here were other parents who were letting go of power and control and parenting from a place of love.

I’ve been very blessed to be part of this movement through Parenting Gently and the annual Carnival of Gentle Discipline. Getting the word out that there is another way to parent and that it works has been very rewarding.

I’ve also been humbled by the parents who come to me for advice on how to handle situations with their children in a gentle manner. I know how much these parents love their kids so to be trusted with helping them is really an honor.

Do you remember the first time you tried a gentle discipline technique and it worked? Did you have that aha moment?

Gentle parenting is kind of like a drug. That first hit is like “wow! I had no idea parenting could be this fun!” and then you’re hooked.

But, do you sometimes feel like you are still speaking a foreign language? That your initial reaction is always punitive and you have to translate or shift gears into “gentle” mode to react like you want?

Maybe in moments of stress you revert back to your old parenting paradigm and later you feel upset about they way you handled a situation?

Plus you might be getting naysayers from all sides telling you “you’re doing it wrong!”

Wouldn’t it be nice to have the gentle response be the first response that pops into your mind? So that without even thinking about it you can handle any issue in a peaceful manner? So that regardless of the opinion of others you feel confident in your choices?

The thing I realized about gentle parenting is that it isn’t just about gentle alternatives to punishment like spanking and time out.

Instead, it is a fundamental shift in how you relate to your kids. A fundamental shift in how you relate to everyone.

And a shift like that doesn’t come from constantly having to translate every situation into a gentle alternative. Sometimes, that can be even more stressful!

When you can find your own authentic voice and drive your parenting from the inside out, suddenly you’re not struggling to translate each situation into a gentle framework.

You find yourself connecting with your kids more and connecting with yourself more. You smile more and feel stressed out less.

Parenting is fun. Life is fun.

It is just pure awesomeness! I want everyone to experience this personal transformation!

What if I could help you look inside and find your own authentic parenting voice and use that to make your parenting choices?

I mean most of us aren’t parenting from deep inside of us. We are parenting on the fly as situations arise. Struggling with subconscious assumptions built on our own upbringing, our own personality and fears, and the silent societal messages about what parenting should be.

You can use alternatives to time out, spanking, or other punishment everyday and never find that comfortable, joyful parenting groove.

That groove that comes from parenting that is rooted in your own values and goals. After all the best parenting is your own authentic parenting.

This is why I’m so excited to be partnering with Everyday Feminism to offer the first ever Transformative Parenting: Finding Your Authentic Parenting Voice online course.

Everyday Feminism is all about transforming your life through feminism and that fits just perfectly with this idea that through self-transformation we can become the best parents we can be.

This online course won’t be hitting you on the head with feminist theory or with gentle parenting doctrine. You don’t need more external lists of do’s and don'ts.

Instead I will walk you through a process of self-exploration that will help you align your parenting choices with your deepest core values.

We’ll look at:

• The cultural messages we receive and internalize about parenthood
  
• How our upbringing and personality shape our parenting
  
• How to break out of the cycle of parenting from a place of fear
  
• Finding your own core values and goals for your children and translate them into daily action
  
• How to communicate with compassion even in times of conflict
  
• How to work with your feelings and needs and help your children do the same
  
• And more!

All in a supportive community of fellow parents who want to break the old habits of parenting we see in our society and forge new, connected bonds with our kids.

I know that parenting is a busy task. I’ll use several different methods of delivery so you can find what works best for you. Each lesson should only take 1-2 hours a week and not all at once!

So you can break it up to fit your schedule.

I hope you’ll join me! You won’t regret the time spent on your own self-improvement and you will notice a profound change in your daily life with your kids.

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Paige Lucas-Stannard blogs about infertility, parenting, and women’s issues at Baby Dust Diaries as well as being the founder of the gentle discipline site Parenting Gently and co-founder of the breastfeeding rights site Nursing Freedom. She likes to cook and sew and has, in general, become her mother. Happily. Follow her on Twitter @babydust.

Mamatography 2013 - Week 19

Day 125 - May 5

Sasha loves when we have company.
Despite not knowing Tami, she greeted her with a hug and an "I love you!"