Welcome to the September Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Through Play
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how challenging discipline situations can be met with play. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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It can be hard to remember that when your child wants to do something they can't (like be in the kitchen while Daddy is cooking bacon), it is much easier to distract than just to argue "no" or wrestle a toddler in tantrum mode.
This was our exact situation recently. I was exhausted. I'd had a rough night and just felt like crap. But I knew Sasha could not be in the kitchen with Daddy. And so what started with us arguing with Sasha (ever
Sasha and I roughhoused and giggled while Daddy cooked breakfast (even after the bacon was finished!). Then she peacefully sat down and had breakfast. She could have been settling in to eat after a crying fit. Its hard to eat when you've been crying.
I could have argued with her and spent a lot more energy trying to physically keep her out of the kitchen - a negative situation. Negatively spent energy just feels even more exhaustive, you know? Instead, we fed off of each other and had a grand time.
Obviously being in the kitchen with Daddy was not the Be-all End-all, most fabulous thing to do. It was, however, the most exciting thing for her... until I presented a better option, an option that was even more fun. And I didn't even think I used "Playful Parenting."
I must say I was most amazed that the energy just appeared as I needed it while playing with Sasha. I'm sure that beyond the initial burst, I fed off of her happy energy. Amazing, positive exchange!
How has playful parenting helped you avoid meltdowns?
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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
- On being a more playful parent — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine shares how the Playful Parenting book impacted her.
- Parenting a toddler through play — Alicia at I Found My Feet lists some examples of how she uses play to parent through everyday tasks and challenges.
- Splashing in Puddles — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares how she learned to get dirty and have fun with her little boy.
- Say Please — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life explains how they taught their son manners by "play," showing that actions speak louder than words.
- No Nanny Needed — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life wishes parenting through play was her only responsibility during the day.
- I'll Run Away With Gypsies — Nikalee at Spotted Pandemonium maneuvers physical and emotional obstacles while spinning playful tales, jumping through hoops, and inspiring the kids to clean the living room.
- A Promise To My Daughter — Lindsey at An Unschooling Adventure writes a poem for her daughter promising to use play instead of anger when facing difficult situations.
- Parenting Through Play — Not Always Easy But Always Rewarding — Amy at Peace4Parents discusses how play hasn't always come easily to her, the power of appreciative observation, and how her family learns together through play.
- Imagination Plays a Role in Our Parenting — Tree at Mom Grooves shares how parents can use play to set the foundation for communication and understanding.
- A Box of Crayons — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction talks about how a simple box of crayons has become a wonderful parenting and teaching tool.
- The Essential Art of Play — Ana at Pandamoly shares some of her favorite lessons available for young ones through play.
- The Art of Distraction — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro shares a list of distracting alternatives to harsh punishments in tough parenting situations.
- Grace and Courtesy Games at Home or School — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has ideas for grace and courtesy games that help you encourage courteous behavior without reprimanding your child.
- I am woman, hear me roar! — Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares how one simple sound can diffuse an argument in an instant.
- Getting Cooperation Through Play — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about respecting the worldview of a preschooler by using play to encourage connection and cooperation.
- Playful Parenting = Extra Energy?? — Momma Jorje didn't think she had the energy for playful parenting. See what she was surprised to learn…
- Dance Party Parenting — Laura from A Pug in the Kitchen learned how to be the parent her children need through play.
- Wrestling Saved My Life — Wrestling is as vital to her son's well-being as babywearing once was, finds Hannah at Wild Parenting.
- Parenting through play — By playing with her children, Tara from MUMmedia is given amazing opportunites to teach, train and equip her children for life.
- Parenting Through Play Starts in Infancy — In a guest post at Natural Parents Network, Issa from LoveLiveGrow shares that though she only has a 3-month-old, playful parenting has already started.
- Play Before Sleep — Adrienne at Mommying My Way writes about how playing and singing with her son before he falls asleep helps calm her frustrations that tend to arise at night.
- Playful Parenting — Or 5 Lessons My Son Has Taught Me About Parenting Through Play — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama has learned to be a better parent by following her toddler's lead in play.
- Hurry up! Hurry up! I mean it! Quack, quack, quack! — Kellie at Our Mindful Life leads a trail of ducklings
- On the Road: Learning to Play — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers her inner adult through a summer of playing with her children.
- Preventing Tantrums Through Play — Gaby at Tmuffin explains how she keeps her household happy by not taking things too seriously.
- Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Through Play — Lily, aka Witch Mom, redirects unwanted behavior in a toddler using games and play.
- Exaggerating for effect — Lauren at Hobo Mama has learned how to ham it up.
- Handling Big Emotions with Role Playing — Zoie at TouchstoneZ plays at tempering her parental frustrations while helping her children handle some big emotions
- How To Herd Toddlers by Talking Pictorially — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama demonstrates how talking in pictures is a playful way to engage your young child in transitioning from one activity to the next.
- Getting a Toddler to Go Where You Want…Playfully — Sylvia at MaMammalia describes how a game of hide-and-seek can be used to steer a wandering toddler in the direction of her choosing.
- Playful Parenting: Chores That Do Themselves — Remember chores when you were a kid? If chores were this fun for Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey, she wouldn't have needed any reminders!
- Clown School Express: Playing away Fears — MudpieMama describes how she helped her boys confront their fears about starting kindergarten by playing with trains.
- Practicing Playful Parenting — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle realizes that playfulness is the best way through the day and seeks more ways to practice it.
- Today, Tomorrow and Every Day — Starr at Taking Time addresses her children in a letter sharing with them how improtant it is that they spend their childhood playing.
- Learning Through Immersion — Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares how she helps her daughter develop naturally without focusing on teaching, but rather by immersing her in their family's way of life and making her an active part of her environment.
- Play Here Now — Jessica at Instead of Institutions learns and relearns and tries to remember the value of play.
- Play: A Wonderful Parenting Tool — Mamapoekie from Authentic Parenting offers a list of examples on how to use play in real-life parenting situations.
- Playful Parenting — a Book Review — Erica at ChildOrganics shares simple yet sage advice from Dr. Cohen on how play can change your child's life.
- Mock Threats: Turning Real Frustration into Playful Parenting — Threatening is not an effective discipline strategy, but Dionna at Code Name: Mama explains how parents can turn their frustration into playful moments by making "mock threats."
- I'm Sick of Yelling — I Want to Play — Alicia at McCrenshaw's Newest Thoughts realizes she needs to change the way she's parenting and is forming a new plan.
- Sing-along, Brush-along Songs — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest shares a few songs to make brushing her three-year-old's teeth more fun.
- Monster Voice — Ever have those frustrating moments with your kid(s) when you just want to scream? Amy at Anktangle shares a silly strategy for getting through those difficult times.
What a perfect example of how to use play to avoid conflict. We need to do this more often in our house, because it always ends better than simply arguing. I feel like we've fallen down a bit now that Kieran is 3 - hopefully this carnival will inspire me to do better!
ReplyDeleteAhhhh, lovely. I've picked up my DD and swung her around too. Now she's older she likes to be tickled or timed to do 'chores' (which then suddenly become a lot of fun!) thanks for sharing your happy moment - I felt energised and joyful too, just reading it!
ReplyDeleteMy son loves to wrestle and chase with Daddy, so we often have to use that as a distraction, but lately, I've been setting him up at the sink to play while I do things that he doesn't need to participate in in the kitchen... like cooking bacon!
ReplyDeleteIt's often times when I feel too exhausted for being playful that I realize that being negative takes far more energy. (Although I don't always remember this in time!) It's amazing how rejuvenating being playful can be, for both the parents and the kiddo.
ReplyDeleteGreat example of parenting through play! It's just so much easier than fighting with them and SO much more enjoyable. :-)
ReplyDeleteI love this! I've been reading all these wonderful posts today getting so many great ideas! Or at least reminders of what I should be doing. My son, 2yo, is like that too. We've been painting our house over the last couple weekends and he's just made a mess helping paint so we don't really want him painting now. So we've finally realized we need to give him some thing better to do. And it worked. Surprise surprise right? But I always forget to do that. I usually just end up saying no.
ReplyDeleteThanks, great post!!
We often have those noone-is-ever-going-to-win arguments. I never really thought about it the way you explained it. Little ones want to do the most interesting thing that happens to be going on around them. This post created a revelation for me! I'm going to attempt to find more interesting things for Little Guy to do when he wants to "help" one of us do something that he just cannot be doing. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteGreat example of using distraction and fun to avoid conflict! It's so true that conflict takes so much more energy, and often children just need something positive to focus on. :) Deb @ LivingMontessoriNow.com
ReplyDelete@Dionna - It is impossible to balance perfection in every parenting aspect. We wax and wane and get reminders... You rock at the peaceful thing, I have no doubt!
ReplyDelete@Mrs Green - its amazing that just when you think you are too exhausted to lift a finger, doing so re-energizes you!
@Laura - that is a great point! Sometimes I try a few times to get Sasha to stop doing something and then it hits me... find something BETTER to do!
@Lauren - exactly! And it just feels so much better!
@Charise - thanks! Positive interaction is just better all around! I'm actually working on another project right now (relating to marriage rather than parenting) that says you really should have at least 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative in a day. It is definitely better to lean the scales in that direction!
ReplyDelete@Cassie - I'm with you there! I've learned and gotten all kinds of new ideas... and then some have been reminders that I'm not as clueless on playful parenting as I thought I was. I have been reminded of things I did when my older daughter was little, too. It's been a fun carnival!
@Alicia - Awesome! I so love it when someone really takes something from my blog! :-D It often takes me a few times of trying to just get her to stop doing something before it occurs to me to distract with something more fun!
@Deb - And everyone has room for more positivity in their lives, right? :-)
I have had this same experience so many times! I find it so hard to remember when I'm tired or stressed but resisting children is always so much harder, more tiring and always takes way longer than going with their flow. For me, it's about my emotional energy. If I can become receptive to them instead of resistant then good ideas (like your game) for how we can both get what we want usually follow. Scott Noelle's 'Daily Groove' has lots of great ideas along these lines that we've used to resounding success :)
ReplyDeleteOH YEAH! I'm with Hannah - I always find myself in a place where my emotional energy is so draining. . . but when I let go of that resistance, and just play for the sake of playing with my daughter or my little boy. . . suddenly, the world is so much better for both of us.
ReplyDeleteIt's totally difficult for me not to get sucked into an argument with my 3 year old. I know that sounds silly, but it's true. We are at each other constantly, and both of us like to pick fights and stand our ground.
But it is totally easy to have a tickle fest. . . or dance around to music. . . or play "chase meeeeeee!" I especially love Dr. Laura Markham's "Fix Game" over at Aha Parenting. I've gotta get my Abbey fix! ;) tamkes every day, every moment that much sweeter for the both of us!
What a great example of changing what could have been such a diffucult and draining situation into a positive!! I know for myself that it's even more exhausting when I close in on myself and resist... meaning that when I'm tired anyway, and I meet her resistance or reluctance with my own tightness... it's going nowhere fast. If I can let go of whatever I thought I wanted to happen and relax into the moment, it all gets better pretty quickly too. I imagine it will be hard and make it hard.
ReplyDeleteYou did that so wonderfully. Thank you for sharing this.
@Hannah & Amyables - indeed. It is that much harder to be present in their moment when we're in a bad place emotionally ourselves.
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally get how easy it can be to get sucked into an argument, even with a little one. I actually need way more practice avoiding that with my teenager (just turned 13)! I think I might have to try the roaring thing with her... have you read that post?
@ Teresa - Well said! It is true of so many things in life. If we can just manage to be present in the moment and let go of our expectations a bit, life is so much easier and more pleasant!
ReplyDelete