Monday, May 9, 2011

My Worst Mothers Day Ever

Monday Minimalist has been preempted to bring you this post. It will resume next week.

On Saturday, April 30th, I discerned that my mother had suffered a stroke. I made the 911 call. And so began not only a week of chaos and worry, but also meant I'd (temporarily though indefinitely) lost my employment. I had too much running to do all week anyway to have been at a job.

On Tuesday, May 3rd, a home pregnancy test and later a clinic test confirmed good news: I'm pregnant. On Thursday I dealt with a lengthy OB Intake appointment. Still, exciting news. When I feel down about my mother, it is this positive news that helps keep me happy.

On Friday, May 6th, my mother was moved to another facility (sooner than we wanted her to be moved). We only got 1½ hour notice.

Still just leading up to Mother's Day here, folks. It gets worse. Much worse. Just a few minutes til 4am on Mother's Day morning, my phone rang. My ex-husband, my spouse for nearly 15 years, died as a result of a motorcycle accident. It is my weekend with the daughter that I share with him. After letting her sleep in (later than she ever does here), I was the one to break my little girl's heart. I got to spend Mother's Day consoling her while also battling a stomach bug. Thankfully most of the bug passed while I was waiting for her to wake.

I married him when I was just 20 years old. He had a lot to do with molding me into who I became as I "grew up." He was an amazing artist. I have a tattoo on my shoulder that he designed for me. And I have a tattoo of his art signature on my left foot ~ a signature on his work of art. A tattoo I asked to have for 7 years. That request was not granted until I left him. Still, I am glad I have it.

my foot tattooYes, it is a stick figure.
It includes his first name and last initial.

I wish I could take the hurt away from my daughter as well as her stepmother. I was once closer with this woman that I'll explain here.

My world has faced 3 major life changes in the last week, only 1 of which was in my control and by my choice. I am clinging to that one positive thing in an effort to not stress so hard as to miscarry.

Mostly, though, breaking my daughter's heart and being unable to make it better... is just not a good way to spend Mother's Day. Tell me some wonderful things you did with your family this holiday. Please.

4 comments:

  1. I'm so, so sorry for the pain you've been going through, and that of your daughter and her step-mother too.

    My thoughtful husband brought me home a new reusable Starbucks cup full of iced tea, and he helped my older boy write a card for me. I got to sleep in late this morning and got lots of extra hugs and kisses from everyone. It was a nice quiet day.

    You and your daughter are in my thoughts. Take good care of yourself and that tiny one growing inside you.

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  2. Oh no, what a jumble of emotions! I'm so sorry about your mother and your ex-husband. How tragic. I can't imagine what pain your family is feeling. Many peaceful, healing thoughts your way.

    And congrats on your pregnancy! It's the light among the darknenss right now and I hope it brings you continued healing and hope.

    Many hugs!!!

    P.S. In our home Mother's Day weekend was busy. From ballet class to swimming lessons to cleaning and cooking...but it was fun and the kiddos kept wishing me a Happy Mother's Day all day long. My little almost-two-year-old kept saying "Happy Birthday Mother's Day Mama" TOO CUTE!

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  3. Oh what terribly heartbreaking and incredibly exciting news. I am so sorry for your family's loss (((hug)))). Try to take care of yourself, okay?

    On Mother's Day I went shopping and to a movie. By myself. It was wonderful.

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  4. I am so so sorry to hear of your family's pain. Congrats on the one positive! I hope you all are able to find peace and healing during this tough time.

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