When they took him across the room, Elmo quietly told me he hadn't noticed any traits. I had. I noticed that he has the flatter nose bridge. I also noticed his eyes have a slight upward slant, often referred to as "almond eyes." And I also noticed loose folds of skin on the back of his neck.
Most of all though, I know we saw our son. I thought it was super sweet that my husband had overlooked these things. He hadn't seen them at all! And let me tell you, he generally has a keen eye for these kinds of details!
Since then (3 weeks ago), we've had time to get to know our son better. One of my main concerns was low muscle tone*. It is very common among babies with Down syndrome and can make breastfeeding very difficult (if even possible). I mentioned during pregnancy that Spencer certainly didn't feel like he had low muscle tone! But really, how can you determine something like that while in utero? Well I was right! We aced the muscle tone! Spencer latched on within 30 minutes of birth!
By comparing him to the list I posted before: He does have the flatter nose bridge*. He has ever-so-slight epicanthal folds at the corners of his eyes. He does have a tiny mouth. In the NICU, if he puckered up, I couldn't stuff my nipple into his mouth. I think he has small ears* and small ear passages, but it has been a couple of years since I had a newborn. Maybe they just seem small.
Spencer's head is a little on the small side and he has loose folds of extra skin on the back of his neck. I can't decide if he has shorter fingers (especially the 5th finger) or not. It is hard to tell with such tiny little hands in the first place.
He definitely has a gap between his first and second toes* and a deep crease in the sole of his foot in this gap. The funny thing about this... I've always called my babies "Monkey Toes." This stems from them all having my long slender toes and because I just love baby feet and toes! Spencer doesn't have long slender toes, but he does have this gap. It is more reminiscent of monkey's toes than my other babies! I absolutely adore his special little feet! I can't tell if they're flat or not.
This leaves plenty of possible features in the "grab bag" that Spencer didn't get. We had seen him stick his tongue out on our U/S a couple of times, so I was surprised that he doesn't stick his tongue out more. He did have some tongue thrusting issues, but the Speech Therapist worked with him on some bottle feeds and this doesn't seem to be an issue at all anymore.
I had some family members that came up to the hospital right before the NICU opened back up (from one of their 4 daily closures). They had a new baby arrive, though, so were slow to open or answer their calls. While we waited so they could see Spencer, I was asked "Do they still think he is retarded?" I don't know why I was so shocked. This particular branch of family has expressed absolutely no interest in learning about Down syndrome.
They gave up and left without seeing Spencer at all. The NICU opened back up within minutes of their leaving. I wasn't sorry they didn't get to see him, not at all. It does kind of weigh on me, though, that these family members (we're not talking extended here) still haven't seen our 3 week old son. And yet I hesitate to take him to see them, either.
I'm not offended by the R-word. At the same time, I am very offended that these family members haven't tried to learn anything and also that they assume Spencer is retarded. That word does not apply. Seriously, it just doesn't.
I think we were afraid of birthing a syndrome instead of a baby. I think we're offended that others might see Spencer in that way. Now that he is here with us, we certainly don't see him as a syndrome at all. Sure, every once in a while I catch him from a certain angle and his common DS features align and I see them. I do. But more than anything, I see and love our perfect little boy. I hope my family can get over their hangups and see him for who he is, too.
We did not birth a syndrome. We birthed a perfect little baby boy!
* These are the most common physical traits associated with Down syndrome.